It’s been a busy month.
I started two new jobs that are fun but physically draining. In case you haven’t heard, kids have SO. MUCH. ENERGY.
I also started graduate school. Spoiler alert: grad school is WAY HARDER than undergrad. I vaguely remember a few assignments my senior year, but if I could calculate now how much time I spend in class/doing homework/thinking about homework…. Well, it would be a lot.
I can’t complain though because I’ve also done a lot of fun things this month. Friends came to visit for a weekend. I met one of my best friends in LA for dinner. Another best friend came to town and it was such a joy to see her. I went to a Ben Rector and Tyrone Wells concert with some people last week. This past weekend, I went with some of these same friends up to San Francisco! One of my favorite cities ever.
These are all good things. I love the kids I nanny for. I cannot say enough positive things about my program and how blessed I feel to be in it. And I love fun nights with friends. But this week, it all kind of hit me. I think I’ve been running on adrenaline ever since I started school. And even though I’ve only been out of undergrad for a little over a year, it has been tough to transition back. This program is a lot. Awesome and fulfilling and exciting, but still a lot.
And it’s hard for me to feel like I’m half-assing things (Sorry, Mom. I can’t think of a good synonym). I want to be able to balance all of these things on my plate and still do them all well. But I have started to feel like something’s gotta give.
In class last night, we talked about how, as a therapist, you need to have strength and hope for your client when they don’t have it on their own. You need to be able to contain their emotion for them, no matter how awful the situation. This concept brought up so much insecurity in me. Can I really be strong for these people? Can I really hear these stories without crying? What can I say that will be helpful? I began to feel overwhelmed with thoughts of “You can’t do this.”
When I got home from class though, I had a letter from a sweet friend at the Breathe Conference this summer. Hearing from her at all brought me so much joy, but the last line of her letter brought tears to my eyes. She said, “I’m confident the Lord will continue to use you for His good plan.”
Such sweet words with such sweet timing. Yes, I feel inadequate on my own but with the Lord, I am adequate. I am strong and wise and can contain others’ emotion through the Holy Spirit’s help. Not by my power, but His. He is enough. And this is all part of His good plan.
I needed to be reminded of this this week. I mean, in the spirit of honesty, I could probably use this reminder everyday. But this week especially. And today, even in the midst of busyness, I am taking some time. After work, I came straight to Coffee Bean, computer and journal in hand. There is something powerful about intentionally slowing down. Slowing down and being reminded of truth. Let’s all take more time to do that this week.